Hard Day

Today was difficult. It shouldn't have been. Buddy has been gone a year, we have a 6-month old puppy that reminds me of Buddy, and time heals all wounds.

Except for today. It hurt today. Today was the day a year ago when we found our Bud-dog on his bed, gone from our lives. He spent thousands of nights in the garage, and always greeted us with a stretch, a yawn, and a nose under the hand.

But not that morning. No, a year ago today, he succumbed to his battle with cancer, and what hurts the most, is he passed alone. Was he scared? Was he in pain? Why, oh why, couldn't we have more of a sign that his last day was so close. Even worse, we had a long day at work that day, so there wasn't much 'family' time that final day. It tugs at my heart every weekend, the time we got to spend most with Buddy. 

Oliver now fills those weekends, but Oliver is a high-spirited, rambunctious pooch, and although we love Ollie dearly, we miss Buddy immensely. I'm sure once Oliver gets past that adolescent stage, he will have many of the same traits Buddy did, but for the time being, Ollie is pure energy.

I however, am not.

It might be why I miss Buddy so much.  His laid back, let's just chill together attitude suited me to a T.  Oliver is a pup that needs to play, and as I play daily with the O-Dawg, my body reminds me how old it is.  Buddy and I had similarly old bones, so we were a sedentary duo that got along just great.

That said, as trying as Oliver can be, he is also a joy. He reminds me so much of Buddy in physical appearance, and that in turn added to the hard day. On the anniversary of Buddy's passing, and the hurt of wondering if he was scared, here I am looking into a near carbon copy, with eerie similar eyes. He is a work in progress, but he will be a great dog too. Oliver is loved as was the Bud-dog, and that is a lot of love. Ollie has some big paws to fill, but he is getting there.
Oliver is healing my heart, but today, that was a tough job. Today, I missed my Bud terribly. I missed the undying love of a dog that gave it in huge doses. I missed the constant companion of an old friend, and I wished for his presence just one more time.

For those of you that have read this and have a long time family pet - hug them once for me. What I wouldn't give to 'hug up' my Buddy again.

I miss ya boy. Get your ball - I'll throw it one more time.